portalhopping | memory share ; ota

Oh my God, I can't— I don't— this is—

( Robin stops and gets to her feet, excusing herself from the room full of girls in pajamas watching television, and moves out into the hall, down the hall, into the stairwell, and sinks down onto one of the stairs.

She doesn't know what's happening tonight, but she just wants it to stop. She needs it to stop. ...and she owes Peter a huge apology. )

[ He's surprised to see Robin pop up on his phone, but he hits the button to answer immediately, especially when he sees the look on her face. ]

Robin? Are you okay?

No, I'm not fucking okay, I'm so far from okay it's not even funny. I keep seeing other people's memories. I just saw Gw—en—

( She's been freaking out but largely holding herself outwardly together but that breaks her and she lets out a dry sob before taking a shaking breath and closing her eyes in a slow blink, her voice coming out in a high-pitched squeak because she's trying to talk around the lump in the back of her throat. )

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

( Robin swipes at her face to brush tears away and sniffs. When she speaks again, she sounds more collected but it's almost like she's shut herself down and she's running in safe mode. )

I keep seeing other people's memories and they're terrible and heartbreaking and I'm so sorry about Gwen. I promise I will never, ever bring up the idea of trying to set you up again, I promise, promise, promise.

[ Peter's throat feels like it's closing up at the sound of Gwen's name on Robin's lips. She's not supposed to know about her. But if she saw his memories... ]

Robin. [ His voice is scratchy in his throat. He wants to ask her what she saw, but he already knows. His voice goes soft, though he wishes he wasn't talking to her through a screen. ] It's okay. It was a long time ago.

[ It's not okay. It never will be, but he's not going to tell a seventeen year old girl that. ] Where are you? Are you alone?

( Robin shakes her head and takes a deep breath, but she can't let it out slowly. It just comes out in a huff and she has to suck in another breath to replace it. )

No it's not. It's not okay, it's not okay that I saw that and now I know your business, it's not okay that that happened to you, or to her, or that Alice and I are insensitive assholes, none of this is okay!

( She has to gasp for air because she's rambled out all of her breath tearfully. It's not so much that she's devastated even though she kind of is. It's more that she's feeling overwhelmed by everything she's been seeing and she's terrified of what other people might see that should belong to her. )

Steve is coming. I was at that party. Now I'm in a stairwell because first I saw Chrissy's visions of Vecna and then Alyssa getting attacked and some guy murdering her attacker and bleeding all over her and then you with—and it's just a lot. It's just a lot, it's fine, I'm fine, I mean...

( Another gasp for breath. )

I'm sorry.

Robin, you're not an insensitive asshole. But I do think you're going to pass out if you don't take a minute and try to breathe. [ His voice is soft and a little jokey, hoping that will help her calm down a little.]

[ He's glad to hear that Steve is coming for her. He doesn't want her to be alone right now.] You're not fine, but that's okay. It is a lot. It's a lot for anyone.

It's okay. Don't be sorry, just breathe, okay?

( In spite of herself, Robin lets out a sound that sounds like it's caught between a sob and a laugh. )

Maybe if I pass out, by the time I come to again, I'll have calmed down.

( Still, she does as she's told and takes another deep breath, letting it out slowly and nodding. )

I'm still sorry, though. Really.

No, please - stop and leave me alone!

[Alice pulls at her hair her eyes shutting, completely unaware that she's accidentally turned on the video as big, fat tears start to roll down her face and as she watches Gwen die there's an audible gasp before she grabs the pillow on her bed and hides her head underneath it with her body shaking.

She'd only meant to swing by her apartment for a minute before returning back to the other girls, but the onslaught of various emotions from other people's memories.]

[ Another unintentional video sent his way of a teenage roommate in distress. Except this time, Peter recognizes the surroundings having passed Alice's and Robin's open doorways numerous times on the way do and from his own room.

He rolls out of his own bed, opening his door and moving down the hall to knock on the door. ]

Alice?

( Rikki looks crushed for him when her feed fires up. )

Oh, mate... I know you don't know me, but I've just seen some pretty intimate parts of your life just now and I am so sorry...I am so sorry for your losses.

[ This is definitely not something he exactly wants to be sharing with total strangers, or friends, for that matter, but it doesn't look like he's got much of a choice. ]

I... [ He doesn't know what to say to that. ] Thank you. I'm sorry you had to see that.

It's okay, it's not your fault. I reckon it's that portal thing. The Porters did weird things back in Jeopardy, too.

I'm Rikki. I hate to meet someone this way, but... erm...anyway, I thought you should know. I don't know if I'm the only one who could see, but I saw your uncle pass and...a girl it looked like you loved very much, so...I'm really sorry, mate. For invading your privacy without meaning to.

[ He sighs, closing his eyes and shaking his head. ]

Yeah, I guess it's going around. Kind of like everyone's greatest hits, except it's actually the worst moments of their lives.

I appreciate you letting me know you saw it, though. I know it sounds weird, but I feel better knowing who saw it than not.

Yeah, I suppose it is. I haven't anything quite as upsetting, I don't think, so maybe it'll be luckier for people if they end up with mine, however embarrassing. I'll take one for the team, so to speak.

( She shrugs and then shakes her own head in response. )

No, I think it would sound weirder if you didn't want to know. You know? I'd want to know, so if you get any of mine...

You'll be the first to know. Definitely.

[ He takes a deep breath. ]

I guess you arrived just in time for the crazy to hit.

( Rikki gives him a smile she doesn't actually feel. )

Thanks, mate.

( Rolling her eyes, she sighs a little. )

Well, that figures, with my luck.

( Hermione has given herself a mo to collect herself so that when the feed comes up, she may still look sad, but she isn't crying and she's taken steps to make sure it doesn't look as though she has been. )

Peter...I don't know if you remember me and, if you do, I reckon we got off on a poor start, which wasn't at all your fault. It's a bit of a story I'm glad to tell you if you like, sometime, but it's neither here nor there just now.

( She does, however, look a bit flustered because she's not really sure how she ought to respond. She can relate to the loss of his uncle, but her parents are still alive, they're just not available to her, and she's not quite sure it's respectful to relate in that way. )

Erm...only, I thought you should know that I've had a memory that I reckon belongs to you. I'm so sorry about your uncle. It felt...

( She pauses again, blinking rapidly against the prickle in her eyes because she can feel them threatening tears again. It had been like she'd been there, but moreover, it mattered to her. She felt deeply upset and then guilty in a way that made no sense since she'd never met the man. She'd felt what he'd been feeling, she reckons, because she remembers it as though it were her life; her uncle. )

I hope you aren't still blaming yourself. That's a lot of weight to carry on your shoulders when you didn't do anything wrong. You were a kid acting like a kid. That's all. ...I'm so sorry, maybe I shouldn't—never mind. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. It isn't my place. I didn't mean to bother you.

[ He does remember her and he doesn't remember their start being that bad, but maybe he's being overly optimistic. Regardless of how good or bad it was, she knows first hand what it was like to lose Ben and that is something that he wishes she didn't.

He smiles faintly at her, though it doesn't reach his eyes. ] Hi, Hermione. I'm sorry you had to see that. [ He inhales deeply. ] You're not bothering me. I appreciate you saying something.

I think that's something I'm never going to forgive myself for, but I do forget sometimes that I was just a kid. I didn't know what was going to happen, or I never would have... [ He shrugs uncomfortably. ]

Thank you. For trying. I appreciate it.

( Hermione frowns, shaking her head. )

There's a difference between regretting your past decisions and never forgiving yourself, though, and you need to do the latter if you ever want to heal.

( That advice, perhaps, is a bit of projection, but he could use it, anyhow, she tells herself. )

We all do things or don't do things we wish we could take back. But you can't ever be happy if you don't give yourself at least the grace that they would've given you.

( ...blimey, that is projection, 'mione, she thinks to herself. Then, not realizing she's looked away from the screen until just now, she looks back, maybe a bit more emotional than she ought to be. )

Don't thank me yet, I'm not finished trying.

[ He knows she means well and he does appreciate her trying to give him a hand up, but he also knows he doesn't have the answer she wants from him.

Still, there's something about her that reminds him a little of Gwen. A self-assuredness that comes from having some of the answers that everyone else doesn't. He gives her a small smile, lips pressed together sympathetically when she looks back. ]

All right, I won't thank you yet.

Enough about me, though. Are you okay?

( For once, she's honest, and she reckons that's more to do with the fact that he looks like Remus than that she's comfortable actually doing it on her own. So, she shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders a little, frowning slightly. )

Not really, no, if I'm being entirely honest. But...

( She takes a deep breath and huffs it out in a long-suffering sigh. )

I'll manage. I always manage. Have you been bombarded with other people's memories yet, as well?

[ the memory hits him sudden and hard, and watching who he knows is Peter Three, and seeing his uncle on the ground makes him want to be sick. it makes him think of May who, for all intents and purposes is very much alive and well here, but he knows that pain.

he knows it too well. ]

he loved you a lot
and you did him proud
i'm really sorry

[ He hates to think that he's grateful that Peter doesn't video him, but he doesn't think he can go through this with another person, let alone someone who knows exactly what it felt like. ]

Thanks, man.
He would've gotten a kick out of the idea of other Peter Parkers out there.
I think you would've liked him.

memory share ; ota

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