portalhopping

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I have been through and seen a lot of shit in my time, but this is the biggest screw up that I've ever seen. I don't know who's in charge around here, but somethin' tells me it's not the paper pusher that I managed to knock out with a stapler.

I want to talk to the person in charge. I want my freaking body back! Look what you've done to me. [ He shivers in disgust.] I'm uglier than Peter! What am I supposed to do with these giant hands and stupid legs? What's with this nose, I can't smell anything!

I've been experimented on, had parts and bones replaced with metal and I have never, never been in as much pain as I am when I look in the freaking mirror. I need to talk to those in charge. Now.

I won't ask twice.

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[Laura pinches her nose in her hand, baby bump ever so slightly visible as she starts up the feed.

Of course just before the transfer that'll allow her to take over the welcoming situation in the portal someone comes through. Of course.]

The man you knocked out with a stapler is Kenny - you can talk to me. I'm not in charge, but I'm Laura - I've been here for a long time - and I'm the person that is about to take charge of how people like you, who are coming in, are welcomed to Eglaf.

[Her tone is calm - Laura is calm, even if slightly annoyed at the timing.]

You don't need to threaten anybody, I'll help get you in touch with whoever it turns out will be most helpful to you, I promise. You don't have to ask any more than you have. But I do need you to clue me in here - what's wrong with the way that you look? What do you normally look like.... and what's your name?

Well, Laura, the name is Rocket Raccoon. And as you can see, I'm no longer a raccoon. Instead, I got clumsy fingers the size of sausages and this stupid mug staring back at me in the mirror.

So maybe my first reaction was to knock out the guy who turned me into this monstrosity. Maybe I don't like waking up in a living nightmare. Maybe I was a little upset.

So who's going to get me my body back?

[Laura has to school her face from the sheer absurdity of this situation - it's new that's for damn sure.]

Rocket Raccoon - got it. I'm on my way - I'm coming from the apartments that are furnished for us - and I'll help figure out whoever might be the most useful in helping get you back into your raccoon body.

[The werewolf nods, moving swiftly (bump and all) - despite saying words she legitimately never thought she'd string in the same sentence.]

I think that you might be the first person I've come across who seems to have been made an entirely different species - I'll be upfront with you about that, but we have multiple teams here medically as well as those who work on the portal itself who will work to make sure that you are not trapped in this state because you clearly don't like it.

[Laura gives a gesture at the camera.]

It may be this is the ability that the portal 'bestowed' you with and you have some agency, once you learn control that is, in the shift, but lets see if it's just something that happened because of the portal's current calibration or something first then go from there.

[ Five looks smugly amused because, well. It's always funny to see how angry people get when they come in, so long as they sound angry out of inconvenience and not out of fear or concern for what's happening back home. ]

I'm not even sure they know who's in charge these days, but until Laura and company take over the welcome wagon, I can guarantee you'd be better off trusting the word of people here on the network who came through the portal like you did than you would be taking their word for it at the DDoS anyway.

[ Looking more interested than amused, Five clears his throat. ]

What body did you used to have? Given what you look like now is likely considered to be conventionally attractive on this Earth, I'm dying to know what you really look like.

My body was a mess, but it was my mess. I'm not human, I'm a raccoon. And you call this attractive? How do you even get around taking up this much space? These legs won't get me anywhere and what am I supposed to do with all of this naked skin?

I wasn't exactly Mr. Universe before, but I'll take that body over this one any day.

[ Intrigue slips into his expression and Five gives a facial shrug of interest. ]

I don't call it attractive, but I think if you asked most of the women here, they'd say it was. I don't take up that much space. In case you haven't noticed, I'm shaped like a sixteen-year-old boy, which also isn't the body I technically belong in, but I only have myself to blame for that one...

I would think that longer legs would carry you faster, but I wouldn't know; I just use my spatial jumps.

[ He shrugs. ]

As for the skin, you put on clothes, sport.

For the record, I don't think you're ugly. Not that that's the important takeaway here, because it isn't, but I'm going to ask you a question and apologize ahead of time in case it sounds worse than I mean for it to, okay? But uh...were you in some way physically disabled before this? Hear me out because I don't mean to be offensive, but the portal gives people new powers and sometimes, I guess, it's an instantaneous thing. I'm just wondering if this is the portal's really rude and presumptuous way of giving you a new "power"...

Disabled? No. I wasn't. I'm scarily abled, in fact. Enough that I scared the shit out of my maker.

What do you mean this place gives people powers? What kind of powers?

[ Robin frowns thoughtfully, chewing at her bottom lip. ]

Huh... Then, I'm pretty stumped.

[ She smiles and shrugs a little. ]

I mean you get super powers or whatever. I couldn't do anything cool back home but now I can speak, read, and write every language in existence fluently. No idea how, but it's pretty fucking cool, if you ask me.

I'm Robin, by the way. Sorry you're having a rough go right out of the gate...

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